In Which My Life Resembles a Sitcom

Have you ever stopped to think about sitcoms?  No, no, hear me out.  I don't watch very many, but it occurs to me that the reason they're hilarious is that many present situations which would be excruciatingly awful in real life.  I know this, because my life has become one.  I am living in a sitcom.

The scene is this: the bedroom is small; cluttered and dark in the pre-dawn hours.  Nothing can be seen on the bed beneath the many comforters.  All of a sudden--chaos.  The cat has decided it's time to get up, and rouses the rest of the bed's occupants by alternately meowing loudly or leaping on them.  The single human occupant wakes suddenly, struggling to free herself beneath the heavy mass of blankets and dogs which have pinned her legs.  Her plan is to stagger to the bedroom door--as she does every morning--to open it just enough for the cat to slip out.  The cat is fully capable of opening the goddamn door himself, but for some reason known only to him, he requires the human to do it for him.  On this morning, somewhere between the bed and the door, the larger of the two dogs decides to join the fun.  The human, blind in the dark, does not notice the large black mass, trips over it, and fall face-first into the narrow wall next to the door.

The cat continues to meow insistently, so she struggles to regain her feet, swearing incoherently at the dog to get back in her goshdarn bed, and accomplishes her goal: the door is open.  The cat slips out.  Human and dog return to bed, where the human, an insomniac who considers any night where she manages to fall asleep at all a damn good one, is wide awake.  She lies in the dark, doing crossword puzzels on her ipod and plotting the death of her beloved cat, until she finally falls back to sleep.  At 4:45 AM.

I have never had so much empathy for Simon (see the video below).

I have so many updates on my current, multi-pet life.  If any of us survive until tomorrow, perhaps I'll write about them.

My Happy Little Freak Of Nature

In Vista's opinion, her weekend might have been even more exciting than mine.  She got to hang out with her cousins, chase a bird that got into the house around the kitchen, ate full servings of Chinese take-out while I was away from the car for twenty minutes on the way back, and then played herself into a coma with a surprise canine houseguest.  Heck, the cat even let her love on him a little.

This is the sort of precaution my parents take when Vista comes to visit.  Because if you've never seen my dog jump, know this: she's basically a bloody gazelle.  I've never seen a dog jump like she can, and she scoffs at fools who think a baby gate can contain her.  Two, maybe, if they were stacked on top of one another.  On Saturday, when the bird was in the house, she apparently jumped from four feet flat on the group onto the kitchen counter.  There are days the cat doesn't even make that jump.

My dog is a freak of nature.

But she's a happy one.  She and Lani had pretty much exhausted themselves by Sunday.

Here's Sam the cat not scratching her in the face!  Oh boy!

He does love dogs, he's just not too sure about her.

He decided he liked me, though.  Briefly.

Sunday night, the girls decided to switch it up and slept in each other's beds.

I'm pretty sure this was taken before she ate all of my beloved leftover Wu's beef with broccoli.  I had plans for that food, Vista.  Eating plans.

This is Ace.  She spent the weekend with my roommate Emily.

I think she and Vista got on alright.

Aw, lookit my scary dog!  What a mean, vicious cutie pie!

Uh, whoa.  I wouldn't call her cutie pie, if I were you, Ace.  I don't think she likes it.

A headlock is kind of like cuddling, right?

Ugh, come on, I'm just trying to get comfortable here.

Thaaaaat's better.  Hopefully we'll get to see Ace again sometime.  She's a sweet girl!

Introducing the Original Monsters

I am spending this weekend back home in Northern Virginia.  So far this weekend, I have driven through miles and miles (and miles and miles and miles) of gorgeous Virginia countryside, cursed at the wretched NoVa traffic, eaten Mexican food again (I miss it SO MUCH), had breakfast with an old friend at an iconic dive, helped surprise my other mother, dined at a country club, taken in (and LOVED) a campy flick with my mom, and watched Vista rain destruction upon my childhood home.  And written one bloody long run-on sentence.  A friend pointed out that I have yet to talk about my other pets on this blog.  Let this serve as an introduction.

 This is Sam.  All of our animals have first and middle names, but Sam is just Sam.  I adopted him after moving into an apartment in college, and he came to live with my parents when I moved on campus.  I would love to have him with me in West Virginia, but his life is here with my parents now, and it would be too cruel to try and move him.  Plus, he's used to going in and out freely and in Marlinton I live on a fairly busy road.  He's standoffish at first, but is a total marshmallow inside.  He likes dogs (as long as they're not trying to kill him) and loves my mom, who is--of course--allergic to him.  He's about 7 years old now.

Summer.  Sweet, sweet Summer Clementine.  Dumb as a box of rocks.  A purebred Cavalier King Charles Spaniel, she is my mom's dog.  She is happiest when eating or hidden in a corner or under a bed.  She loves things that squeak.  She communicates using a peculiar language of snorts and sneezes and spins uncontrollably when she's excited.  She's nearly 6.

Lastly, Leilani.  She was actually born in West Virginia, and is half black lab, half Norwegian Elkhound.  My brother adopted her from LostDogRescue.org.  Casey named her Leilani, which means "flower from the sky" in Hawaiian, and I gave her the middle name Moose.  Because Elkhounds are bred to take down big game, and she spent the first several months of her life nipping at our knees in an attempt to fell us.  She is the love of my life, and as much as I am coming to love Vista, Lani is and always will be my sweet girl.  I spent this morning curled up with her, and everything was perfect.  She'll be 3 this summer.

Vista is doing pretty well in terms of getting along with these guys, so long as no toys or bones are at stake.  Summer apparently sees her as some kind of threat, but that's okay, as at varying times Summer will decide that random members of the household deserve to be barked at.  It is her way.  Sam was extremely nervous with Vista, but once they tentatively touched noses, everything was good.  He curled up with her for a little while last night.  As for Leilani, well, she is almost a perfect role model.  She and Vista play and play, and wherever she goes in the yard, Vista is not far behind.  I bought Vista a kennel today to minimize the damage she was inadvertently causing to the house, and she would only venture into it after Leilani had done so.

I miss these guys, so much.  Not seeing them everyday hurts my heart.  My family and friends I can talk to on the phone or write letters to, but it's hard to pull off a long-distance snuggle.