Snippets of my weekend so far:
On unsolicited magazines.
Me: Why are you getting Architectural Digest?
Mom: I don't know, it just appeared one day.
Me: Well, that's odd.
Mom: Why are you getting Bon Appetit?
Me: What? No, I'm not. I am?
Mom: Yes, you didn't order it?
Me: Are you kidding me? No.
Mom: Wanna trade?
Me: Yes, alright.
On failed packing.
Mom: What'd you forget?
Mom: You always forget SOMETHING, so what is it?
Me: Oh, um, cell phone charger and...pants.
Mom: Wow, Kel.
On yet another broken car.
Car guy and family friend Nacho, upon sighting us in his shop: YOU'RE CURSED!
(later in the conversation)
Me: So what are you going to drive, then?
Mom: I'll take the Jag, I guess.
Nacho: No! Whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH THE JAG.
On books and being oblivious.
Bookstore guy: Wow, you're only buying books from the Macabre section on Friday the 13th?
Me: What? I...oh...I guess...yes?
Brandon the stylist: Okay, so how much do you want off the length?
Me: Oh, I don't know. I'm bad at this! Just...do what you think is best.
Brandon: No. I am not psychic.
Me: I know! I know. Okay. You cut, and if I hate it I will not blame you. Cross my heart. I will lie to your face and tell you I love it. Deal?
Brandon: ...Fine. But you're going to hate it.
Me: I won't!
On more broken cars.
Me: The food's inside.
Sam: Great! Now, what's wrong?
Me: The stupid interior lights on this car won't go off and the sun roof is rattling and whistling and I HAVE to be able to drive this thing home on Sunday, there are no other cars to use!
Sam, while hugging me: It's okay. Calm down.
Me: I swear, everyday I inch closer to homicidal mania.
Sam, still hugging: I know you do. There, there.
Today: wedding! Woohoo!