Snippets From Home

Snippets of my weekend so far:

On unsolicited magazines.
Me: Why are you getting Architectural Digest?
Mom: I don't know, it just appeared one day.
Me: Well, that's odd.
Mom: Why are you getting Bon Appetit?
Me: What? No, I'm not. I am?
Mom: Yes, you didn't order it?
Me: Are you kidding me? No.
(pause)
Mom: Wanna trade?
Me: Yes, alright.

On failed packing.
Me: Dang!
Mom: What'd you forget?
Me: What?
Mom: You always forget SOMETHING, so what is it?
Me: Oh, um, cell phone charger and...pants.
Mom:  Pants??
Me: ...Yup.
Mom: Wow, Kel.

On yet another broken car.
Car guy and family friend Nacho, upon sighting us in his shop: YOU'RE CURSED!
(later in the conversation)
Me: So what are you going to drive, then?
Mom: I'll take the Jag, I guess.
Nacho: No!  Whatever you do, DON'T TOUCH THE JAG.

On books and being oblivious.
Bookstore guy: Wow, you're only buying books from the Macabre section on Friday the 13th?
Me: What? I...oh...I guess...yes?

On haircuts.
Brandon the stylist: Okay, so how much do you want off the length?
Me: Oh, I don't know.  I'm bad at this!  Just...do what you think is best.
Brandon:  No.
Me:  What?
Brandon:  No.  I am not psychic.
Me:  I know!  I know.  Okay.  You cut, and if I hate it I will not blame you.  Cross my heart.  I will lie to your face and tell you I love it.  Deal?
Brandon:  ...Fine.  But you're going to hate it.
Me:  I won't!
(I didn't)

On more broken cars.
Me: The food's inside.
Sam: Great!  Now, what's wrong?
Me: The stupid interior lights on this car won't go off and the sun roof is rattling and whistling and I HAVE to be able to drive this thing home on Sunday, there are no other cars to use!
Sam, while hugging me:  It's okay.  Calm down.
Me:  I swear, everyday I inch closer to homicidal mania.
Sam, still hugging:  I know you do.  There, there.

Today: wedding!  Woohoo!